I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
