The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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