and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
There's always time for handjobs
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
