Is it normal to miss your booty call?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize