She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
