My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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