Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
