Define "chronic" masturbator.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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