im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
