chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
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Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
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How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
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