Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
