why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
