When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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