just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We had sex on a dog bed..
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
