3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
