it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
