Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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