I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize