I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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