He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
