I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
