GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
