I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Its about making memories worth repressing
No stitches, just platelets and will power
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Randomize
