I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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