I look better un-naked...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
