oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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