She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
