mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
