he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize