Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
