Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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