Will you blow on my dice?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
