i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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