Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
