I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
