your parents love me but you hate me
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
pop tarts are not kleenex
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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