Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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