I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
