do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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