it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
