i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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