Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
