Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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