you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
