you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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