YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
my shit smells like andre
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
