There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
