we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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