perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
