Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
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She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
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How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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