so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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