Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
