2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
