it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
