She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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