i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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