she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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