Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
